i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
