Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Randomize
