i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
