You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
