If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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