fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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