i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
