I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
