We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This girl is more easily done than said...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
