first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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