when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
