Kiss
Puke
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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