Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
