My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
