It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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