This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize