Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
