it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
