last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
