soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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