My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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