I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
