Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
