i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
