do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
