She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
two words...techno handjob
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.