All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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