But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
