I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
