People in love make me want to vomit
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
