i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
