Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
