i think my tv is drunk
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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