if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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