i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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