My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
