How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
