Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
