He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
