Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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