This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Are we still banned from the library?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
