sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
