He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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