The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
