accomplished twins. life is a go
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
