i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
