New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
