I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My ass is underappreciated
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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