sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
