Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
too bad you live with your parents still
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
