Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
