I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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