He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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