so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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