We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
