the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
