He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
