Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
