Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize