I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was CRYING into my vagina
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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