How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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