We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
