dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
