I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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