there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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