Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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