dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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