I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
