Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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