Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
