there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
