I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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