I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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