Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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