Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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