haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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