So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
