dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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