I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
More tranny stories later!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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