i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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