Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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