but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date